Where to begin?

I guess I should have started this a long time ago. Maybe when you were both babies or toddlers. I could have talked you through when you have your kids…if you have kids…do you even want kids? I wish I knew. I wish somehow I could get you to talk to me. Speak to me about your hopes and dreams for your life. I wish we could slow our worlds down and take the time to talk about such things. Maybe I could help you get to where you want to be…so you don’t have to stumble and fall.

But that is really what life is, isn’t it? You are continually learning how to walk over and over again.  Stumbling, falling, tripping as you go.

I can’t always be your safety net. Sometimes you will hit the floor. That is why I made and continue to make rules for you both. Lets not call them rules though, more like guidelines. I want very much for you to follow them and be guided down a safe path but I know that won’t always be the case. When that isn’t the case, there are consequences. I know you think these are harsh and unfair most of the time but as you grow up and learn more about life, you will see why I did these things. As heartbroken as I am when I have to hand them out to you, please know I did it with pure love.

I guess what spurred this today is yesterday you two road your bikes over Lexington Ave, Lake drive and then over to Golden Lake where there was no life guard. Two busy streets and a lake with no lifeguard. Two rules broken. And when I found out from another parent…my heart sank. Not because you went and had fun without permission but because the worst possible things flooded my head.  I envisioned getting a phone call from the police telling me one of you had been hit by a car, or one of you drown in the lake and they were looking for the body. I wanted to scream NO!….even though I knew you were now safe. The panic I felt was horrible. The fear that you would do it again and again until your luck failed you.

I know I cannot protect you always protect you. I know you need to make mistakes to learn. Please just understand that it is hard for me. You are my pride, my joy and my most amazing accomplishment. Out of everything I have done in life, you are the most amazing thing I have done!


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